Starting Again with Fi

I’m back at the start again.  I mean right back.  Where each run is hard.  Where you can’t breathe.  Where walking seems to be interrupted by run breaks.  The beginning.

I first started running in January 2013 but only started to enjoy it and see improvements during spring last year.  I ran my first ever half marathon and started taking chunks off my times for all distances.  Things were great. I loved running.  Total love with a capital L.  Spending every waking moment planning runs, talking about runs, even dreaming about running.  The wheels fell off when I got injured while training for Manchester marathon.  I completed it but it wasn’t the race I’d hoped for.

I didn’t run for a few weeks.  Recovery I told myself.  Then a few more weeks.  The unthinkable had happened.  I’d fallen out of love.  Four months on and I’m still not really running.  I’m still avoiding Strava.  I haven’t uploaded a run in weeks, despite previously being mildly obsessive about it. 

I admit it, I’m not really enjoying running. Although, I am still enjoying the women’s running group I lead.  I love encouraging them and seeing their confidence grow.  I’m still loving running with friends, despite feeling miserable and inadequate at how much I slow them down.  I’m still devouring information about running – swallowing running blogs and magazines whole.  In fact, I still love everything about running.  Apart from actually doing it. 

I have the summer ‘off’ with no races ahead of me.  Whereas autumn is packed with endurance events.   I am not prepared to let this go without a fight.  So I’m taking the first steps.  Taking the advice of a good friend to have fun and slow it down. 

On Tuesday I ran an easy 5k at over a minute slower than I’ve been attempting.  It was easy, comfortable, fun.  I followed up with a happy early morning 4 miles at the same pace.  All good.

 

 

So it’s time for a new plan.  I need to practice mindful running.  Focussing on the here and now.  The run I am on.  There is no point looking forward to my autumn races and panicking about the gulf between where I am and where I need to be.  There is even less point in looking back and mourning the pace and stamina that I had.  I can only work with what I have now.  So I’m here at the beginning, starting again.

Fi x