Let me tell you a true story (A very hard post to write)

Once upon a time there was this chap. Nice enough chap, doing his best to balance the various elements of his life.

He lost his father (his hero) some years before and helped his mother cope with all of the distress and financial complications. He helped another family member through a number of years of depression. He loved his kids and worked hard to be the very best dad he could possibly be. Having a stressful job this was not always easy and as the economic climate changed, the pressures mounted, but the support diminished.

This guy had always coped, didn’t really matter what life threw at him, he had an excellent ability to suppress his own feelings and deal with whatever the current problem or crisis was, wanting to always help and protect those closest to him and do a good job.

Shortly before his 50th birthday and Christmas, this chap was sitting in his office staring at his computer doing nothing, a feeling had been building for days, an unfamiliar feeling that had begun to overwhelm his very existence. This feeling was despair, complete and utter despair.

He packed his things and drove straight to the Doctors surgery fortunately getting a last minute appointment. At the doctors he basically fell apart. The Doctor signed him off work immediately with anxiety and depression, however he still returned to work the following day to explain to his company and put everything in order, probably one of the most difficult things he had ever done, in his mind admitting defeat.

The following day he took his brother for a cancer screening, saying nothing of his own situation, fortunately this proved clear. However he could not bring himself to talk to any of his family such was his embarrassment and feeling of failure.

For the next month, he either went on long walks with the dog, timing it carefully to avoid meeting anyone, or sat in an armchair at home thinking. All the time trying to act in a normal way and to be as supportive and loving to his children as usual.

Following Christmas after numerous visits to the Doctor, he managed to pluck up the courage to go to a group therapy course. This opened his eyes to the numbers and extremely different types of people who suffer at some point in their lives from mental anguish.

This guy was me!

This was November 2011!

I eventually returned to work at the end of January 2012 after nearly three months off. This was also incredibly difficult facing all the questions and lack of them, knowing what had happened.

Having fought my way back, and believe me it was a real fight, I knew I had to make some changes. I couldn’t always be perfect, I couldn’t solve everything for everyone, and I needed something for me.

So on the 24th April I started running, booked my first Half Marathon in aid of the mental health charity Mind, and the rest is history.

I still have bad days, yesterday was such a day and I did what I always do now, rightly or wrongly.

Following a day with too many things in my head and delayed meetings in London, I collected my son and headed for the athletics track.

Track buddies

I ran

4 x 400m and 3 x 800m with 30 second recoveries, whilst he trained for sprints.

Some fast, some slower, I know I did at least one 400m in 1:35 but to be honest I lost track of the rest.

 

When I got home I headed to the spare room

40 bicep curls each arm

40 shoulder presses

10 lateral raises

40 bench presses

25 tricep dips

40 sit ups

80 crunches

80 bicycle crunches

80 reverse crunches

60 Weighted Russian twists

1.5 min front plank, 1 min side planks

 

I finished, knackered, sweaty but feeling I had achieved something and with an element of inner calm (or exhaustion maybe).

This has not been an easy post to write, and it is not for any kind of sympathy or support.

Anyone from any walk of life, young, old, male, female can suffer from situations such as these, be it anxiety, depression, eating disorders or whatever. It is not weak, it is not stupid, it is illness like any other.

In fact it took far more strength for me to admit and act on my issues than it would have done to ignore them, carry on and face the consequences.

I just want to say that my running and training has been my therapy and given me something back of me. Getting to start it though was the most difficult part of the journey.

If you know anyone who is feeling down or is suffering from anguish in any form, don’t judge, don’t try and second guess their emotions, just be supportive whenever they need it.

And when I ramble on about runs, abs, aches and injuries, you maybe know where I am coming from.

This morning I walked Flo while thinking whether or not the write this post, my canine therapist without a doubt.

But there you have it, just an honest account of an ordinary bloke.
 

The above post was written in March 2013. So I'm still here, I survived and I'm still running, we all have our challenges but boy do you learn about yourself through them!

 

Happy running !!!